When it Rains it Pours
by Igiveup
Summary: Danny Messer and Nick Stokes have had some really rotten luck lately. Can they help each other out? Chapter 9b has been rewriten, I hope it's better. ON HIATUS!
1. Chapter 1

_I have never written for the CSI characters before. I apologise if anybody is out of character. I would really like to hear your opinions. Spoilers for On The Job,What You See is What You See, and Grave Danger. This first chapter is a prolouge of sorts that takes place just after On the Job. The rest of the story will take place after the season finales. I have a feeling Nick Stokes and Danny Messer would get along very well with each other._

"Hello?" said Nick, answering his phone. There was silence on the line. At first Nick thought it might be a prank call. He was just about to hang up when he heard someone say in an unsteady voice, "Nick?"

"Danny, is that you? What's wrong, are you okay?"

Ever since Horatio Crane had introduced Gil Grissom's Vegas team to Mac Taylor's New York team Danny Messer and Nick Stokes had been good friends. But now something was wrong, Danny didn't sound like himself. Nick wondered why his friend was so upset.

"Nick-Oh God, Nick I didn't know-I didn't hear him, I swear I that I didn't-"

"Whoa, whoa, slow down! What are you talking about?" Nick interurrpted.

Danny took a shaky breath. "I killed a cop Nick! But I didn't know he was a cop, I didn't hear him identify himself, I swear to God I didn't!"

"Tell me the whole story, Danny. From the beginning."

Danny explained everything, from the crime scene not being cleared to the shoot out in the subway and the investigation that followed.

"But you didn't hear him Danny! With all that racket I'm surprised you could hear anything. What did Mac say?"

"Well I'm off the promotion grid," said Danny a bit more calmly. "I kinda expected that. What I didn't expect was for Mac to tell me that people tried to talk him out of hiring me. I really didn't need to hear that."

Nick felt bad for his friend. "Wish there was something I could do. You know I 've got your back though right?"

"Yeah, you're the only one who does." said Danny.

"That's not true! I'm sure your friends care. Maybe they just don't know how to show it."

"Maybe." said Danny, sounding doubtful. "Flack did bother to ask how I was doing."

"See?" said Nick. "Listen, I've got to go now all right? We'll talk again soon okay?"

"Sure. Bye Nick."

"See ya." Nick hung up the phone and went to work. He found Grissom in his office, looking through some sort of book.

"Hey Nick, is there something I can do for you?" Grissom asked.

"I don't know. You remember Danny Messer? He works for Mac Taylor."

"Yes I know who you're talking about. Is he in some kind of trouble?" asked Grissom.

"Yeah, I want to help him out, but I don't know what to do. Wish I could be there for him."

"Maybe you can't be there physically, but you can be there emotionally. Just let him know he has a friend. It sounds like he needs one."

"I'll do that." said Nick. But deep down he couldn't help but worry it might not be enough.


	2. Chapter 2

_Thank you for all the positive feedback. I have to say it's the first time someone has ever put me on their story alert list. I'm very flattered. Since y'all seem to like angst so much I'll give you some more.Obviously I do not own these characters._

The past few weeks had been tough on Danny. All he could think about was the shooting. Mac's words haunted him. People had tried to convince Mac not to hire Danny, butMac hadn't listened to them. He had been willing to give Danny a chance when no one else would-and Danny had made him look like a fool. No wonder he had given such a cold reply when Danny asked if the two of them were good. Since that exchange, it was getting harder and harder to look Mac in the eyes. Danny couldn't stand to see the disapointment there. He felt as if everyone were watching him, waiting for him to mess up again. He knew if he did, he could kiss his job goodbye.

Danny hadn't spoken to Nick in quite sometime. Work had kind of taken over and the most they could manage was the occasional e-mail. But lately Nick hadn't been replying to those either. Danny wondered what was wrong. Finally Danny decided to call Nick. The phone rang a few times, then a woman's voice answered, "Hello?"

Had Danny interupted a date? He didn't think so, the woman sounded a bit too old for that. "Um, is Nick there?"

"Who is this?" asked the woman, sounding suspicious.

"Daniel" (for some reason Danny felt as if he should use his proper name) "Daniel Messer."

"Oh, yes. Nick told us about you. I'm his mother, Jillian."

"Nice to meet you." said Danny. "Is Nick there?"

There was such a long pause Danny wondered if the line had been disconected. "You still there?"

"Yes, yes I'm here. I'm sorry. I thought you knew..."

"Knew what?" asked Danny, fear rising in his chest.

"Nick was kidnapped. His captor burried him alive."

Danny felt as if the floor had dropped out beneath him. It couldn't be true, not Nick. It had to be a mistake. "Is he-I mean, will he-"

"Yes, his friends got to him in time. He was just released from the hospital yesterday."

Danny gave a sigh of relief. "Can I talk to him?"

"I'm sorry," said Jillian, and Danny could tell she meant it. "But I don't think that would be a good idea."

"Will-" Danny's voice broke. Tears burned like acid in his eyes. "Will you tell him I called?" he managed, his voice no higher than a whisper.

"Of course I will. Thank you Danny."

"Goodbye." whispered Danny. His hands were shaking so bad it took two tries to hang up the phone. Danny rarely cried. He had grown up in an eviroment where tears were considered a sign of weakness. But now his body shook with sobs as tears flowed down his face.The thought of being burried alive was too horrible for Danny to imagine. How could anybody come out of thatokay? "Please Nick," Danny prayed. "Please be all right."


	3. Chapter 3

_Glad you guys like this story, the positive feedback means a lot to me. I'm just going to go back and forth between the two characters for awhile. Now back to Nick!_

"Danny called? When?" Nick asked, upset that he didn't get to talk to his friend.

"Last night." said Jillian.

"Why didn't you let me talk to him?"

"Nicky, you were sleeping. I didn't wake you up because you needed your rest. I don't think I could have woken you up anyway thanks to those sleeping pills the doctor perscribed."

"Okay." Nick relented. "What did he want?"

"He just wondered how you were doing. I told him about the kidnapping and that you weren't able to come to the phone."

Nick looked at his mother in shock. "You _told _him?"

"He's your friend, I thought he had a right to know." said Jillian, biting her lip.

"I know you meant well mom but you have let me tell him what happened. I think the news would have been a little easier to take if he had heard it from me." said Nick, placing a hand on his mother's shoulder.

"I'm sorry sweatheart. Are you going to call him back?" asked Jillian.

Nick nodded. "Yeah, he's at work now but I can leave a message on his answering machine."

Jillian left the room to give Nick some privacy. He dialed Danny's number. After listening to Danny's recorded voice telling him to leave a message at the sound of the beep Nick said, "Danny, it's me Nick. Call me back as soon as you get this okay? It's important."

Later that night the phone rang. Nick almost lost his hearing when he heard Danny yelling on the other end. "Nick! My God, are you all right? I almost had a heart attack when I heard what happend."

"Sorry about that man. My mom shouldn't have scared you like that." said Nick. He knew what Danny was going to ask next. Sure enough, Danny asked "You want to talk about it?" in a voice that said he would understand if Nick didn't want to. But Nick did want to talk about it. His friends had only talked about the kidnapping just long enough to answer Nick's questions, but after that they had refused to say anything more on the subject. Whether it was because it was too painful for them or because they thought they were protecting Nick by not saying anything was unclear. Perhaps it was a little of both. But Nick needed to talk about what happend. And not to some shrink who was being paid to listen to him either. He needed to talk to a friend. Danny had been spared the horror of watching Nick suffer via a weblink, something Nick was grateful for. It might make talking about it a little easier.

Nick told the whole story pausing only to answer Danny's questions. Afterward Danny asked, "Can I ask you something?"

"Sure," said Nick. "What's on your mind?"

"How did you come out of that hell with your sanity intact? I'd be in a mental hospital if I didn't kill myself first."

Nick smiled. "I just thought of my friends and family. I knew I had to hold on for them. So, anything going on with you?"

Danny was quiet for a moment. "I don't want to talk about it."

"Come on, Danny! I told you what happend to me, it's your turn now! If you're thinking that I won't take your problems seriously you're wrong. I would never do that. I want to know if things have improved since the shooting."

"Not really, things are pretty tense right now." said Danny. "I've done a lot of things that I ain't proud of. I want to change, I want to do the right thing but it always seems to blow up in my face!"

"Hang in there Danny, you'll get through this. I know you will."

"Nick, my cell phone's going off. I'll talk to you later." In a warm voice Danny added, "I'm glad you're all right."

Nick hung up the phone. He hoped he was right about Danny.


	4. Chapter 4

_Back to New York. I'm glad you guys are enjoying this. I don't own these guys and I am afraid that they may be out of character. _

Danny wondered how his life had gotten so messed up. Mac still didn't trust him. Danny wondered if he ever would againAs much as it hurt to admit it, their friendship seemed to be gone for good.At least Danny still had his job. Despite all his problems, Danny loved being a CSI. He didn't know what he'd do if he didn't have his job anymore. It was the only thing that made him feel like a human being.

Things were tense. In the past Danny had been able to joke around with his co-workers,especially Flack and Aiden. Now he threw all his attention into his work. The only time he spoke to anyone was when they asked him for information regarding evidence. Danny was determined to keep his job. _I'll prove them wrong. I'll show Mac he made the right decision when he hired me._

"Come on, Danny! There's big money to be made here!" said Aiden. She wanted to get Danny to smile again.

"What are you talkin' about?" asked Danny, wishing she would get back to work.

"You know thatMac and Stella are crazy about each other." Aiden began.

"You takin bets on when they'll get together?" Danny asked, shocked.

"Sure. I got eight hundred dollars that they'll be together by Christmas."

Danny bit his lip, trying not to laugh. Aiden noticed. Encouraged, she said,"How much can I put you down for Messer?"

This time Danny did laugh. It felt good. "No thanks, Aiden. With my luck I'll go brankrupt."

"Okay, then I'll split my winnings with you. Eighty-Twenty."

"Thanks a lot." said Danny. As Aiden turned back to her microscope, Danny added "Really Aiden, thanks."

"Any time, Messer. Any time."

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"So, I guess this means things are getting better." said Nick when Danny called him later that night.

"I guess." said Danny. "Still wish I could get Mac's trust back though."

"Don't worry, you'll earn it back. This kind of stuff just takes time, that's all. I definately know that he hasn't given up on you. You wouldn't have a job if he had."

Danny smiled. "That's true. Speaking of jobs, when do you go back to work?"

"Well, it's going to be awhile before they'll let me do field work. But I might be able to get back in the lab in a about two weeks or so. It'll be nice to get back to normal."

"All right. Good luck to ya Nick."

"Good luck to you too Danny."


	5. Chapter 5

_Here's a new chapter. Thanks for the positive reviews. As for Nick and Danny meeting in person I'm not quite sure how I'd go about it but I will keep it in mind. As always I don't own these guys and I apologise if they are out of character._

Nick's first day back at the lab felt a little weird. It seemed as if everyone was coming up to him and asking if he was okay. Sometimes he could feel someone staring at him, but they would always look away when he turned in their direction.Nick was trying to be understanding, he knew his friends had gone through hell trying to find him and watching him suffer. But their behavior was starting to become annoying.

Warrick's behavior was esspecially strange. For some reason he seemed to be going out of his way to avoid Nick. After putting up with such weird behavior for most of the day Nick found himself asking Catherine why Warrick was acting so strange. Catherine looked surprised. "Don't you remember? You guys had a coin toss to decide who would go to the scene." She was chewing her lip. "While we were looking for you, Warrick broke down. He said that it should have been him down there. I tried to reassure him, but I don't know if I got through to him."

Nick sighed. "You guys do know that I'm all right don't you? I'm alive because of you. You tell everyone that. I've got to talk to Warrick. And Catherine? Thanks."

Nick walled down the hall and caught sight of Warrick in front of the watercooler. "Hey,Warrick we need to talk."

"Sorry Nick I've got to go." said Warrick turning to leave. Nick grabbed Warrick's shoulder and turned him around so they were facing each other.

"Listen to me Warrick. I know you're still beating yourself up over that coin toss. I want you to stop it right now. I never resented you for winning the coin toss. As scared as I was for my own life, I was thanking God that it wasn't you. I would never wish such a thing to happen to anybody. I want to move on from this, I want my life to get back to normal." Nick felt tears sting his eyes. He could see tears in Warrick's eyes as well. Swallowing down the lump in his throat Nick countinued. "But I can't do that if you're blaming yourself. Please,Warrick. Let it go."

Warrick rubbed the back of his neck. "I want to Nick, it's just-hard, you know?"

Nick smiled. "I know. Could you at least try though?"

Warrick smiled. "I'll try."

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"Well, they've been trying, but things still aren't totally normal." said Nick when he called Danny later that night."

"At least you know they care." said Danny.

"True." said Nick.


	6. Chapter 6

_I'm a bit surprised so many people like this story. Back to Danny's P.O.V., As always these characters are not mine and I apologise if they are out of character.(I'm working without a beta which makes things a LOT harder.)_

Danny hung up the phone. He was relieved that he had been able to keep the envy out of his voice. He couldn't help but feel a little annoyed. Nick was upset because his friends were being _too nice_? He didn't know how lucky he was to have such caring friends. They had been willing to move heaven and earth to find Nick and he was upset that they were being too nice? Danny sighed. Deep down he could understand why Nick would find it so annoying. It was just that, Danny couldn't see his so-called "friends" doing that for him.

Things were still tense at work. Aiden or Flack would try to get a smile out of Danny but as time went on they were getting less and less sucessful. One time Mac walked in on Flack and Danny when they were laughing about an old movie they'd seen. Danny had immediatly stopped laughing and had gotten back to work. He noticed Flack giving Mac a dark look before walking away.

Danny was tired. He remembered Nick saying it would take time to earn back Mac's trust. It had taken a year to earn it the first time around, and about six months to lose it. So earning it back a second time could take several years, and even then he'd never get it back completly. At this point Danny would have given anything to trade places with Nick Stokes.

Danny got up and went into the bathroom. He stared at his reflection.His normally vibrant blue eyes were now dull and bloodshot. His blonde hair was sticking out all over the place as if he had just gotten out of bed, and his chin was covered by five o'clock shadow. Danny felt disgusted with himself. He was jealous of a man who had been kidnapped, buried alive and almost eaten by fire ants. What kind of person would be jealous of that? Danny looked again at his reflection. The man staring back at him was a liar, former gang member, and a cop killer. Danny couldn't stand looking anymore. Tears burned in his eyes. Without thinking, Danny punched the mirror screaming as broken glass sliced into his hand. He fell to his knees staring at his hand in shock. It was covered with blood. Shards of glass stuck out of it at odd angles. Danny sucked air through his teeth. Very,very carefully he removed the shards of glass. He got off the floor, opened the medicine cabinate and bandaged up his hand. Then he cleaned up the rest of the glass.

Afterward, Danny lay in bed, wondering what the hell had gotten into him. What he had done was crazy, plain and simple. As he drifted off to sleep Danny decided he wouldn't tell anyone what had happend. Not even Nick.


	7. Chapter 7

_Thanks yet again for the positive reviews. As always I don't own these people and I apologise if anybody is out of character._

Nick lay on the couch thinking of his conversation with Danny. Maybe he had made a mistake complaining about how overprotective his friends were being. After all, Danny felt as if he didn't have any friends. Nick worried that he was the only one that Danny trusted. As much as he vauled their friendship Danny needed someone a little closer to home to watch out for him. Nick drifted off to sleep.

That night Nick had a nightmare about the kidnapping. He'd had the dream many times since his rescue but this time it was a little different. Nick was all alone in the lab. He turned on the computer and saw Danny trapped inside the coffin. As Nick watched in horror, Danny picked up his gun. "_I'm not as strong as you Nick. I'm sorry."_ Then he shot himself in the head.

Nick woke up screaming. He sat up and looked around,rubbing the back of his neck. _It was just a dream. Danny's all right._ Nick glanced at the clock. With the time difference it was too early to call Danny. Nick shook his head. Maybe it had been a dream-but Danny was certainly not all right. Watching your friend suffer and being seemingly helpless to save them-to Nick it was worse than being buried alive. Now he knew what kind of hell his friends had been put through.

Nick promised himself he'd talk to Grissom tomorrow. Maybe he'd have an idea. Could they call Mac Taylor and ask him about Danny? Maybe Danny just needed a little vacation, get away for awhile. Nick wondered if Danny would like to come to Vegas for a visit. A change of scenery might do him some good.


	8. Chapter 7b

_Okay, I realise that chapter 7 was a bit too short so here's what we're going to do: This will be chapter 7b and we will stay in Vegas for a little while longer. I do understand that my chapters are often too short. I'll try to work on that. I do not own the characters and if anybody is out of character I apologise._

Nick visited Grissom in his office the next day. He seemed uncertain about Danny coming to Vegas. "How will this solve his problems?" Grissom asked. "I know how much you want to help Danny, but this seemed more like running away. Yes, Danny would be getting away for awhile but sooner or later he'd have to go home. If nothing's changed in New York he'll be right back where he started."

"So what am I susposed to do, Griss? I can't just do nothing!" said Nick. He felt sick to his stomach remembering his nightmare.

"If you're really worried why don't you call one of Danny's friends? Tell them you're worried about Danny and ask if they've noticed anything wrong. Maybe they need an outsider to speak up."

"Maybe..." said Nick. He thought of calling Mac Taylor. Danny had seemed more devestated about losing Mac's trust than he had about killing Minhas. It was clear that Mac's trust was important to Danny. Danny never volunteered much information about his childhood but he did mention that he and his father were not exactly close. Maybe Mac had filled that void? Nick shook his head to clear it. Time was running out. He had to call Mac. It might be Danny's only chance. Nick asked Grissom if he could use the phone. Grissom nodded and left the room to give Nick some privacy. Taking a deep breath, Nick dialed Mac Taylor's office number.


	9. Chapter 8

_Sorry I haven't written in awhile, bad case of writer's block. Tim to go back to New York. But instead of Danny's P.O.V., I thought I'd do Mac's P.O.V.As always I do not own these characters and if anybody is out of character I apologise._

Mac thought he had been doing the right thing by being tough on Danny. That maybe it would get Danny to understand the full consequences of his actions, keep him from messing up again. It worked-but maybe it worked a little too well. Danny seemed to be going out of his way to be a model CSI. He stopped joking around with Flack and Aiden. They tried to get him to smile but after awhile their attempts stopped working. Mac remembered walking in on Danny and Flack that day. When Danny's laughter had been cut short when he caught sight of Mac. Mac remembered the shame he saw in the young man's eyes as Danny looked down at the files he was holding. That was the worst part-that Danny could no longer look Mac in the eyes. Mac felt an incredible sense of loss. He remembered his cold reply to Danny's hopeful "Are we good?" Mac had wanted to say 'yes' more than anything. But he couldn't let Danny think thathe had been let off the hook. Danny would mess again. Mac now wished that he had told Danny the truth. He wanted their friendship back. He was also worried about Danny. Danny might claim to be all right but he sure wasn't acting like he was. It wasn't just his becoming more withdrawn although that was a concern. It was that lately Danny seemed almost terrified of making a mistake. He was sticking to the evidence more than his instincts which was what Mac had been after him to do, but Danny would check and recheck the evidence serveral times to make sure it was right. He'd work late into the night and early morning and would only go home if Mac insisted on it. Mac was beginning to wonder if he should say something to Danny, let him know that he didn't have to be perfect, that Mac still trusted him.

Mac was startled from his thoughts when the phone rang. "Taylor."

"Hello. This is Nick Stokes. I work for Gil Grissom?"

"Hello Nick. It's nice to hear from you, but why are you calling me?"

"It's about Danny. Look-maybe I don't have a right to say anything, I only know Danny's side of the story but...I'm worried about him. He hasn't sounded like himself lately." Nick sighed. "He told me about the shooting. He swears he didn't hear Minhas identify himself. I believe him. Danny never would have fired his gun if he had heard Minhas. From what Danny told me, it seemed he doesn't think that you believe him. I tried to tell him that that's not true, but he doesn't believe me. He needs to hear it from you. He values your friendship and trust more than anything-I can hear it in his voice. I'm scared, Det.Taylor. I'm afraid that Danny might be suicidal." Nick's voice broke.

Mac felt his heart stop. Nick lived in Las Vegas, clear on the other side of the country, yet he knew that Danny was in big trouble. Even had the same fears that Mac had. Mac forced his voice to remain calm. "Did he say anything to you about wanting to take his life?"

"He didn't outright say,'I want to kill myself.' it was more like he had given up on himself. That things weren't going to improve. Mainly he talked about how alone he felt. Do you think that you could talk to him? I don't know all the details about his history, what kind of mistakes he's made, but I know he's not a bad person."

Mac smiled. Nick was right. "I will. Thank you for your concern. Danny's lucky to have a friend like you."

"Thanks, I hope Danny will be all right." Nick said.

No sooner did Mac hang up the phone then there was a knock at his door. When he looked up, he saw Flack and Aiden standing in the doorway. Mac gave a sad smile. "Let me guess, you're worried about Danny aren't you?"

They seemed surprised that Mac knew. "Yes, we are." said Flack. "I probably should have told you this sooner, but Danny told me-"

Mac interrupted,"He told you he felt alone, I know. He told Nick Stokes the same thing. Nick called me just now. He's worried about Danny too. You guys are right. I've been too hard on Danny. I'll go talk to him. Is he in yet?"

Aiden nodded. "Yeah, he's in the morgue talking to Hawkes. Danny's right hand is bandaged up. Don't know what he did to it but it looks painful."

Mac felt a slight shiver. He was worried that the injury might be self inflicted. Taking a deep breath he made his way down to the morgue.


	10. Chapter 8b

_We're staying in New York for this. Don't own and I apologise if anybody is out of character. _

"I'm sorry, but you guys just missed him," said Hawkes, leaning against the autopsy table. "He left a few minutes ago. Didn't say where he was going. He looked really pale, it kind of scared me. His hand sure looked nasty, the bandages were all bloody so I offered to clean up his hand and put some fresh bandages on it. He insisted that I didn't have too and left. Something's wrong with Danny, I've never seen him like that before. I'm guessing that's why you want to talk to him."

"It is." said Mac. "I'm going to try to call him on his cell phone. It's very important that I talk to him."

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Danny may his way through the cemetary checking the names on the graves. Finally he found the one he was looking for. Rodney Minhas, the cop Danny had killed. Danny knelt down in front of the grave, tears welling in his eyes. "I know I don't have any right to be here after what I did to you, but I want you to know that I'm sorry. I swear, I didn't hear you identify yourself. I never would've shot you if I have, honest. I'm not asking for your forgivness, I don't deserve it. I just wanted you to know that I'd give anything to take back what had happend, to hear you say that you were a cop. I have to live with what I've done for the rest of my life, I'm so sorry." Danny buried his face in his hands, and rocked back and forth his body shaking with sobs. His cell phone, which he had switched to vibrate went off. Danny swallowed several times, trying to regain control. Finally he answered it. "Messer" He was surprised and relieved that his voice was steady.

"Danny, this is Mac. Do you think you can come back to the lab? We need to talk and I'd rather it be in person."

Danny's heart pounded in his chest and his throat tightened. Mac wanted to fire him, Danny was sure of it. What else could he want to talk about that couldn't be said over the phone? Danny's job was the only thing he had had left, and now that was gone too. He closed his eyes. "I'll be there soon as I can." Danny now had to struggle to keep his voice steady.

"You promise you'll come back here? If you tell me where you are, I could come get you." Mac's voice sounded a little strange, almost as if he were worried.

"I'll show up." Danny whispered. It would be the last time that he would disobey an order, and the last time that he would lie. He hung up the phone and stood up. Danny went back to his apartment. He took out his gun and badge and set them on the table. Then he went into the bathroom, his shattered relfection staring back at him from the broken mirror. Opening the medicine cabinate, he took out a bottle of sleeping pills that he had bought at the drug store. All he wanted was to go to sleep and have this all be a bad dream. He went back out into the kitchen and opened a bottle of beer. Then, heart pounding he opened the bottle of sleeping pills and shook a few into his hand, and was about to put them in his mouth when there was a pounding on his door.

"Danny? Are you in there? Open this door." It was Mac! Aparently he hadn't believed Danny. Danny knew that if he didn't answer Mac would get the landlord to unlock the door. He hid the pills in his pocket and answered the door.


	11. Chapter 9

_Okay, here it is! And yes, we're still in New York. I don't own these characters and apologise if anybody is out of character._

"We need to talk Danny, it's important." was the first thing Mac said when Danny let him in. Danny held up his hand. "Don't bother Mac, I know why you're here. Didn't trust me to show up, did ya? Can't say I blame you." Danny went over to the table and picked up his badge and gun. "I just want to say I'm sorry that I let you down. It has been an honor working with you, and I understand why you have to do this so here." Danny held out the items to Mac, but Mac pushed Danny's hands away. Danny was confused. "I'm not here to fire you Danny, you're still a member of this team. I'm here because I'm worried about you." Danny swallowed. Mac sounded so sincere but...Danny still couldn't believe it. Mac was worried? Mac actually _cared?_ It didn't seem possible. Mac himself had said that they weren't friends anymore. _"We'll see"_ had always translated to _"never" _in Danny's past. Danny kept his eyes glued to the floor. He was afraid of what he'd find if he looked Mac in the eyes-and afraid of what Mac would see in his. "Danny, I want to apologise to you. I should have made it more clear that I was on your side during the Minhas case, maybe if I had you wouldn't have disobeyed my orders about keeping your mouth shut." Mac cleared his throat. "I lied to you Danny. I still consider you a friend. That's why I gave you such a cold response. I thought it would keep you from messing up again. I don't want to have to fire you Danny, honest I don't. You're too good a CSI -too good a _person_ to throw your life away.Will you look at me when I'm talking to you? No-I want you to look me in the eyes." Danny shook his head. He checked his gun to make sure it wasn't loaded then tried again to hand it and the badge to Mac. "Danny I don't want them, they're yours." Mac was starting to feel scared. Danny's body was shaking with silent sobs and he kept holding out his badge and gun to Mac. "Take them, damn you! Take them!" Danny shouted. "I can't take it anymore Mac, everybody's watching me, waiting for me to mess up again. I keep trying to do the right thing, honest I do. B-but I always end up doing something wrong. I don't even trust myself anymore Mac." The pain in Danny's voice was almost unbearable. Mac struggled to keep his own voice calm, not wanting to upset Danny further. "Take it easy, Danny. Not everybody's waiting for you to mess up again, honest they're not." Danny gave no sign that he heard Mac. Mac tried again. "Please listen to me. I know you're in pain, I want to help you-we all do." Mac added, refering to the rest of the team. "But you have to reach out to us Danny, we can't help you if you don't trust us." Danny shook his head. "You don't understand Mac, I _can't _trust people. Last time I trusted someone I got burned real bad. It's too dangerous, I can't risk it." This was news to Mac, although it did explain why Danny had trust issues. Mac wanted to ask what had happend, but this was not the best time to be asking. "I'm sorry that had to happen to you Danny, but I'm not like that. You know I'm not. Yes, people are going to let you down, it happends sometimes. But you don't stop trusting, that's no way to live." Danny lowered his hands to his sides. He let the gun and badge fall to the floor. "I-I'm sorry Mac." he whispered. "I want to trust you, but I just-I can't." Mac could tell he was losing Danny, losing him fast. He tried to put a hand on Danny's shoulder but Danny jerked away. Mac stared at Danny's bandaged hand. "Tell me how you hurt your hand Danny." Danny shook his head. "You did it on purpose, didn't you?" This time Danny didn't respond at all. Tears were streaming down his face and his nose was running, but Danny did nothing about it. "I'll take that as a 'yes'" Mac said. He went into the bathroom to get some toilet paper so Danny could clean his face. Turning on the light, Mac saw the broken mirror. "So, that's how." he whispered. Grabbing the toilet paper Mac went back into the living room, but Danny was nowhere to be found. It was then that Mac noticed that the window was open.


	12. Chapter 9b

_I would like to thank just a reader for their insightful reviews. Their critisim has been very helpful and if it weren't for them this story would really suck. I'm rewriting this chapter at their request. I hope they like this version better. This chapter is dedicated to them. just a reader,would you be interested in being my beta? You really know what you're talking about. Send me an e-mail if you're interested. I don't own these guys and apologise if they are out of character.

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Danny was sitting on the railing of the fire escape, his legs dangling over the edge. His heart was pounding in his chest, it felt as if he were drowning. He looked at the ground below. Was he high up enough? Would the fall be fatal? Danny chewed on his lip. There wasn't much time to think, Mac would come back into the living room soon and notice that Danny was gone. If he was going to jump he had to do it now. He started to slide forward until he was dangling by his hands. He slowly losened his grip. For a split second he started to fall when a hand grabbed his wrist stopping him. It was Mac, of course. Danny struggled to break free. "Let me go Mac!" But Mac just tightened his grip and tried to pull Danny up.

"Forget it Danny. I'm not going to let you die. Please stop struggling. Let me help you." Mac was leaning over the edge of the railing hanging onto Danny's wrist with one hand while hanging onto the railing with the other. The way Danny was sturggling Mac was bond to lose his grip on him. But if Mac let go of the railing, he stood a very good chance of falling himself._ How could I have let things get so bad?_ he wondered. Mac's eyes stung with tears._ Please God don't let me drop him._ Mac tried to pull Danny up while Danny tried to pry Mac's fingers off his wrist. For one horrible moment, Mac felt his grip slip. He let go of the railing and held on to Danny with both hands. He tried again to pull Danny up. It wasn't working, Danny was fighting too hard. "You're not going to fall Danny, I promise." Mac was scared. He didn't know what to do, Danny was determined to die. Mac had no idea how to get through to him.

Danny was angry and upset. He wanted the pain to stop, and death was the only way. Why couldn't Mac understand that? He had felt such hope when Mac started to lose his grip, but now Mac was hanging on with both hands and his grip was tighter than ever. He was as determined to save Danny's life as Danny was to end it. Danny couldn't help but wonder who would win. Mac was shouting something at him, but Danny wouldn't listen. He couldn't let Mac talk him out of this. It had to end now. "...know what it's like to think your life is over, when Claire died I wanted to die too. But I got help Danny. Because I had friends who cared about me. You've got friends too Danny, whether you know it or not. Flack, Aiden, Stella, Nick, Me, even Hawkes. We all care about you Danny. Please don't do this." Mac sounded like he was crying. Danny stopped struggling and looked up. Mac really was crying, and Danny could see the pain in his eyes. Mac was finally able to pull Danny to safety. They sat down on the stairs and Danny cried into Mac's shoulder.

Mac hugged his friend tightly and thanked God that Danny was alive._ Too close, that was way too close._ Mac thought. And it wasn't over yet. Danny was still in danger, he could try again and next time Mac wouldn't be able to save him. Danny needed some serious help. He had to get Danny to a hospital, have him put on suicide watch."Shhhh...shhhhhh...it's going to be okay, Danny. You'll see." Mac soothed. "Think you can stand up? No tricks now." Danny nodded and with Mac's help got to his feet. Mac led him back into the apartment and closed the window. "Where are your keys?" Danny pointed to the counter top. Mac grabbed the keys and started to lead Danny out the door when a thought occured to him. "Danny, empty your pockets._ Now._" There was no point in hiding them anymore. Danny removed the bottle of pills from his pocket. Mac gripped Danny's shoulder. "Did you take any?" Danny slowly shook his head. "But you were going to, I interrupted you, didn't I?" Danny nodded and looked down at the floor. Meanwhile Mac's stomach was tying itself in knots._ If I had been five minutes later..._

They left the apartment and Mac locked the door. As they walked down the stairs Mac held on to Danny's arm to keep him from bolting. When they got to Mac's car Danny asked where they were going. "You need help Danny, I am going to take you somewhere so you can get it." Danny tried to break free. "Not this again. Get in the car, Danny." Danny shook his head. "It's going to be okay, trust me please." Danny swallowed hard and got in. They drove in silence until finally they arrived at what looked like a hospital. "Come on, we're here."

Danny felt panic rise in his heart. This was a mental facility. Mac couldn't be serious, he wasn't really going to leave Danny here was he? The look on Mac's face said that yes, he was. Danny shook his head. Mac got out of the car and came around to the passenger side. He opened the door and grabbed Danny's arm. He pulled Danny out of the car and tried to get him into the building. It wasn't easy. Danny really didn't want to go. "Please Mac, don't leave me here. I won't try to kill myself again I promise, please don't do this." Danny's cries were breaking Mac's heart. How could he convince Danny that this was for his own good?

Mac was able to get Danny through the door and explained what was going on to the hospital staff. They took over, restraining Danny and giving him an injection of some kind of sedative. Mac had no idea what it was but it worked _fast_. Danny's breathing became more shallow and his eyes slowly closed. He mumbled something that Mac didn't catch and was wheeled away on a gurney. After Danny had been officially checked in, Mac was told he had to leave. He got into the car and drove aimlessly for awhile. He needed time to think. He was going to have to explain to the team, and to Nick back in Vegas, what had happend. Mac wasn't quite ready to do that just yet. It had been his training that had kept him from panicking when he saw Danny start to fall, and it had kept him calm for the duration of the emergency. Now that it was over his nerves were shot to hell. He wasn't in any hurry to relive that experience. Mac knew that he had done the right thing, that Danny was going to get the help he needed, but he still felt guilty that he hadn't done something sooner. If he had, then Danny wouldn't have needed to be placed on suicide watch. Mac's cell phone rang. It was Flack, he and the rest of the team wanted to know what had happend with Danny. Mac sighed. "I'll be there in a few minutes, I'll tell you then." He discounected the call. The team wasn't going to like what he had to say.


	13. Chapter 10

_We're back with another chapter! And just a reader has agreed to be my beta which means this story is going to be a lot better now. I hope you like this chapter. I don't own these characters._

Mac trudged to his office. The rest of the team was already there when he arrived. They had such hopeful expressions on their faces, but when they saw the expression on Mac's they realised something was seriously wrong. Mac leaned against his desk and punched in Grissom's work number."Is Nick there please? Thank you." While he was waiting for Nick to come to the phone Mac switched on the speaker phone."There's no way I'll be able to repeat myself." he explained to the rest of the team. Then Nick's voice came on the line.

"How's Danny doing? Is he all right?" It was clear by Nick's voice that he already knew the answer to that question.

"No...he's not all right. Danny...he tried to take his life...twice actually." Mac struggled to keep his voice steady. "I...interupted his first attempt. I tried to get through to him, tried to tell him that he had friends. He said he couldn't trust anyone. I made the mistake of leaving the room." Mac broke down._ I never should have left the room, I saw what kind of state he was in, oh,God why did I leave him alone?_

The rest of the team stood there in shock. The last time they had seen Mac cry was on 9/11. Stella crossed the room and put a hand on Mac's shoulder. "What happend next,Mac? Come on, tell us."

Mac jerked free. His friend had tried to kill himself. The last thing Mac wanted was to be comforted, or held, or even touched for that matter. He took a deep breath and continued.

"When I came back into the room he was gone, and the window was open. Danny...he tried to jump...I grabbed his hand..." In his mind Mac was back on that fire escape, trying to pull Danny to safety.

"Mac? MAC!" It was Stella, aparently Mac had stopped talking. He apologised, then told them about having to take Danny to the hospital. Danny's pleas were echoing in his ears. Mac shook his head to clear it.

"He was resisting admitence, they had no choice but to sedate him. They normally don't do that because it interferes with the evaluation. I know it sounds harsh, but this is the best place for Danny right now. He could try to kill himself again, and we can't watch him every second. In the hospital there are professionals who know how to deal with people in Danny's position and they'll make sure that he can't try again." Mac was trying to convince himself of this more than the others._ I did the right thing, I know I did, There was no other choice!_ he thought.

"How long's he going to be there?" It was Flack.

"Suicide watch...usually lasts about seventy-two hours...after that it depends on the patient." Mac really wished that they weren't having this conversation, he kept waiting to wake up from this nightmare, but it didn't happen.

Nick had been so quiet over the phone that Mac had actually forgotten about him. So when Nick's voice came over the speaker phone Mac jumped.

"Is he allowed to have visitors? I'm going to see if I can fly out there. Would that be all right?"

Mac tried to collect his thoughts. "I...don't know...I'll try to find out though...I know Danny would love to see you."

"Thank you. Please let me know okay?"

"I will." Mac whispered and hung up.

Nick stared at the phone for a long time in shock. His nightmare had nearly come true. It still could, Danny was a sharp one. If he could fool the departmental psychologist who gave him the fitness for duty evaluation...Nick quickly shoved that thought out of his head. He wished he had said something sooner, that he had realised how much trouble Danny was in. If only they didn't live so far apart...Grissom came back into his office. Seeing the expression on Nick's face he said,"I take it Danny's still in trouble, isn't he?" As if reading Nick's mind he added,"You have some vacation time coming up, you could go visit him if you want."

Nick nodded and wiped away the tears forming in his eyes. "Thanks Griss." He hoped Danny was allowed to have visitors. At the same time, he wondered what he would say to Danny.

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Flack had left Mac's office and went into the locker room. All he felt was anger. He was angry at Danny for attempting suicide, angry at Mac for placing Danny in a mental hospital even though deep down he knew Mac had done the right thing. But most of all, Flack was angry with himself. He should have gone to Mac imediately after his conversation with Danny at the diner. Danny had told Flack how alone he felt, the pain he was in-why hadn't Flack said anything? Because he was afraid of betraying Danny's trust, that's why. He didn't realise how serious the problem really was. How could he have been so stupid? Flack started punching and kicking the lockers, venting his rage. Energy spent he sat on the floor and leaned against the wall, chest heaving. "Damn you Messer, damn you!" he whispered.


	14. Chapter 11

_Here's the newest chapter. Thanks for the positive feedback. Reference to A Man A Mile. I don't own these characters. Thisstory takes place between seasons.

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Danny woke to the sound of rain. He slowly opened his eyes. He was in a room with pale off-white walls. Against the far wall was a window with tan curtains. Danny noticed that the curtains didn't have a cord. The door was open and just outside it was what looked like a nurse's station. Danny shivered. Where was he? What had happened? Then he remembered. He had tried to take his life. Mac had saved him and brought him here. A mental hospital. Danny felt his heart race. He forced himself to calm down, not wanting to be drugged again. Horrible images of drooling crazies in straight jackets filled his mind. He didn't belong here, he wasn't crazy-was he? Mac obviously thought so. Danny felt sick. It was official, Danny's career was over. No way in hell would Hillborne allow a mad man lose on the streets with a gun. Hillborne had always said that Danny was dangerous and unpredictable, and by having Danny locked up in here, Mac seemed to agree. It didn't make any sense. Why would Mac bother to save Danny if he was just going to destroy his life? Did he want Danny to suffer?

Danny had caught the words "suicide watch" during his struggle. He knew what that meant: three days under a microscope. There would be a psych evaluation. If he passed that he could leave after the three days were up. Danny went to the window and opened the curtains. Outside it was pouring rain. Danny could see his reflection in the glass. He had to pass the psych exam, he had to get out of there._Take it easy Messer,_ he told himself._ You've fooled shrinks before, you can do it again._ He was going to get out of there-and next time Mac wouldn't be able to save him.

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Flack had left the locker room and spent most of the day wandering the streets aimlessly. His knuckles were bleeding from his earlier outburst. Flack didn't notice though. His emotions were going everywhere at once. The most prominent emotion was anger. But there were other emotions too. He felt guilty for being angry at Danny and angry that he was feeling guilty. He was hurt that Danny hadn't tried to reach out to him, angry at himself for not trying harder to get through to Danny. The "should have" demons had taken up residence inside Flack's mind, and the harder he tried to ignore them, the louder they got. "You should have gone to Mac right away!" "You should have tried harder to get through to Danny!" "You should have realised how bad things were!" "Should have, should have, SHOULD HAVE!" There were too many "should haves!"

After awhile Flack came to a bar. He went inside and ordered a drink. He stayed there and drank until the bartender told him to leave. Outside it had become dark. In the distance Flack could here thunder. Somehow he made it back to his apartment and passed out on the couch.

Flack woke the next morning to the sound of someone pounding on his door. Flack groaned and opened his eyes. "Ow! All right! I'm coming! Damn it..." he muttered. He had a killer hangover and that pounding wasn't helping. He staggared to the door. When he opened it, he saw Aiden standing there.

"What do you want?" he asked, not in the mood to talk.

"Mac just confirmed that Danny's allowed to have visitors. I thought you and me could-"

"Forget it," Flack interrupted. "I'm not going."

Aiden looked both surprised and annoyed. "What do you mean,'not going'?"

"Exactly what it sounds like. I'm. Not. Going. I don't want to see Danny like that. I can't see him like that."

Now Aiden was angry. "Danny's our friend, Flack. You can't just turn your back on him. I know you're scared and hurt Flack, I am too. But Danny needs to know we're behind him. We have to be there for him."

"I already tried that Aiden! It didn't work, he tried to off himself! I tried to get through to him, I really did. It wasn't enough then, what makes you think it would work now?" Flack could feel the sting of tears in his eyes._ Damn it._ He angrily wiped them away.

Aiden noticed the gesture and in a calmer voice said, "It's all we've got Flack. We have to keep trying, for Danny's sake." Flack started to say something, but Aiden held up her hand. "I ain't done talking yet. I'm not giving up on Danny, and neither should you. You're not a quitter Flack. Keep trying to get through to Danny and don't stop until you do. Now get dressed and come with me to the hospital."

Flack shook his head. "Didn't you hear me? I said I wasn't going!"

Aiden sighed in exasperation. "Look, just come with me, you can wait in the parking lot!" Aiden was hoping that if Flack went along he might decide to go into the hospital after all.

"I SAID no!" yelled Flack. "Would you just go, please?"

Aiden shook her head in disgust.

"Fine, be that way." she turned to go. "If you change your mind, call me."

Flack watched Aiden leave, then closed the door. He thought about what she had said. Maybe he would go visit Danny. Maybe...

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Nick was kneeling over the toilet, trying to catch his breath._ I haven't even boarded the plane and already I'm sick!_ he thought. When he was sure that nothing was going to come up, he went to the sink to rise out his mouth. He had been very careful not to have anything to eat or drink before the flight. He didn't want to risk having to use that tiny bathroom on the plane. His friends had been a little concerened about how he'd handle flying but he assured them that he would be fine. Besides, he had pointed out, he couldn't exactly DRIVE to New York. It would take far too long.

Nick closed his eyes and took slow, deep breaths. He could do this, he knew he could. It was just an airplane ride, no big deal. Over the loudspeaker the final boarding call for Nick's flight was announced. Nick picked up his bag and ran for the gate. He had picked a window seat, hoping the view would make him feel more secure. He put on his headphones and listened to the relaxation CD he had brought along. It was of waves crashing on the beach with seagulls crying in the distance. Playing over these sounds was flute music. Nick closed his eyes and tried to relax. It wasn't working very well._ You had better apreciate this Messer_ Nick thought. He hoped that he could somehow get through to Danny.

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_Mac was back on the fire escape, trying to pull Danny to safety. "Please Danny, let me help you!" he begged. He was so close, just a little further and Danny would be safe...with one final yank Danny broke free of Mac's grasp. His body twisted and turned as he fell to the ground. Danny landed with such force that his ribs burst out of his skin. Blood pooled beneath him. Mac stared down at his friend in horror. "No...Danny!"_

"Mac, wake up! You fell asleep!" Mac's eyes snapped open. Stella was leaning over his chair with a worried expression. Mac streched and winched in pain. His whole body ached.

"Sorry Stella. I'm all right now." Mac knew that he didn't sound very convincing. That nightmare had felt so real...

"Could've fooled me." said Stella. "Talk to me Mac. What you went through was scary and horrible. You might feel better if you talked to someone about it."

That was the last thing Mac wanted to do. He shook his head. "Don't worry about me."

"Too late, I'm already worried. Talk."

Mac looked outside his window. It was raining. He hoped Nick's flight wouldn't be delayed.

"Mac!"

He should've known that Stella wouldn't give up. Still, he tried to outlast her. "We should probably leave for the airport in a about an hour. With this weather I'm not quite sure when Nick's plane will arrive."

"Come on Mac, talk to me! A friend of yours tried to take his life! You have to be feeling something."

_Why won't she let it go?_ Mac wondered.

"Mac, what are you thinking about?"

Mac sighed. "The Sandhogs case."

Stella was puzzled. "The Sandhogs? What on earth are you talking about?"

Mac chewed on his lip. He really didn't want to talk about this. He wished Stella would just drop it.

"Mac, what do the Sandhogs have to do with you and Danny?"

"I left him in the tunnel..." said Mac, more to himself than Stella.

Stella knelt down and tried to meet Mac's eyes. "What do you mean, you left him in the tunnel?"

Mac didn't answer.

"Come on, Mac! Tell me what you meant!" Stella put a hand on Mac's arm.

Mac shook his head. "Joe Riggs, he...left his brother Pete in the tunnel..." Mac swallowed a few times. "H-he didn't know that Pete's inhaler was empty...Pete died...alone..."

"I still don't see where you and Danny fit into all this." actually Stella did know, she just wanted Mac to say it.

"When Danny came to my office and asked if we were still friends...I said 'we'll see' I didn't know how bad off he was...and I left him in the tunnel..."

"But you went back for him Mac. You got him to a hospital where he can get the help he needs. You saved him Mac."

_Did I?_ Mac wondered. Danny was clever, and if he was determined to die, he'd find a way to do it. Even on suicide watch. Mac could only pray that Danny wasn't that desperate.


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